New year, old me ?

Certain places, they just give you a sense of closure, its like there are doors slightly left ajar, and there are loose threads that hang from the heart but the tranquility you crave comes only with silence, with the fading of nonsensical din, because even in the company of many there is an obsecurity to your being, there is a slight detachment that makes you restless, and you strive to figure yourself out, to do anything to achieve that sufficiency that you so desperately want.

And then, realization washes over you, and you realize that you aren’t what you thought you were, you aren’t the sum of flesh or some misery striken words, you are all the people that you have met, all the moments you have lived and everything that you worked to keep at a distance. 

You try to find yourself whole in what you have become when in all honesty, you are just scattered pieces and broken visions you have stolen from those whose ideologies happened to collide with yours.

You find peace in practicing patience because the idea of retaliation and hatred never really coexisted with what you believe. You sense pain, and it lives again under your skin, eventhough that is the last thing you want. 

A perfect smile is what is supposed to be plastered across your face, no matter what, even if your jaw hurts from the stitches strung through paper thin skin, but your hurt is just a baseless notion. The opinion of the masses is what matters because darkness is flawed but the same darkness when illuminated by light is something plausible and you stand torn between variant views, mere insignificant definitions.

And when you try to tread a new path, you are told, dear friend, not yet, not so quick, you have failed justifications to tend to, you have a brand new suffering that needs catering. 

You cannot live ,just yet.

And just like that you are tethered to visions of those you respect, and respect is what you seek but you believe one thing and get another. 

Everybody plans a scheme to live by only to find it lying rejected at their feet.

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