So recently, I had been begging this friend of mine to spare some time out of her busy schedule and go to the movies with me. You know how sometimes you just want let go of all the stress and do something fun. And come on, we all know there is no better way to release stress then loudly munching on your popcorn in a room full of people and then ending up getting awkward stares from complete strangers. But unfortunately, every time I’d bring it up she would turn me down and then try to cover it up with all these lame excuses. So basically I was pretty upset about this whole thing and being the drama queen I am, I tend to exaggerate stuff a lot. And by a lot, I mean A LOT.
So yesterday, I was heading back home when she calls me saying that she’ll go with me. You guys have no idea how happy I was, it was as if my happiness knew no bounds. I wanted to jump and scream and I would have even done a happy dance if it wasn’t for the people standing next to me on the sidewalk. I literally had to make a mental note to behave.
And then it hit me. For anyone who knows me or even if you have stuck around my blog long enough, you’ll probably know how big I’m on seeking happiness. But in that moment I felt like a hypocrite, I felt like I wasn’t really true to my own words.
Every time someone asks me what I want to achieve in life, I don’t even have to think because I always knew that I’d say that I wanted to be happy in life. Then how come, standing on that sidewalk I wanted to restrict myself ? Why did it matter to me what people might think of me ? Why did I need to fake it and act all composed like any sensible adult would do ?
I needed answers and for the first time in a long while, I felt so confused.
You know how children are asked what they want to become when they grow up and they come up with things like : Doctor ! Engineer ! Astronaut !
I wanted nothing but to set free the child inside me.
I wanted to be as genuine and innocent as a five your old. I wanted to know what it feels like to be restless, constantly fidgeting in your seat when the excitement of a new toy gets too hard to keep inside. I wanted to say whatever I felt like saying and do whatever I felt like doing without carefully phrasing every word or thinking of the long term consequences of my actions. I wanted to smile effortlessly and cry without caring about looking weak and vulnerable. I wanted to chase butterflies , capering from one flower to another. I wanted to allow the wind to mess up my curly hair without having to worry about them looking presentable. I wanted to giggle and snort whenever someone tickled me and not pretend to be all annoyed.
But most of all I wanted to let go of this constant need to behave, to act my age , to mirror the actions of the more civilized adults.
These so called, sensible and civilized adults might look more mature but I hate the way they need to pretend and act to deal with life. I wonder what this world would be like if every body held onto that inner child inside us. If we all didn’t feel the need to be manipulative and replaced our rotten heart with hearts that bloom with pure love and compassion.
” All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” – Pablo Picasso
Picture source:Bảo-Quân Nguyễn